Green Porno

Global terror, a historical race for the presidency, and an increasingly awful situation in the way of diplomatic relations with virtually every other country on Earth. That's the sort of thing I should read about when I visit CNN.com, right? Well, it's not. Instead, I'm reading about 'green porno.' Sounds awesome, right? I don't know why it's green, but as long as it is porno, we're good. Wait though, let's look into that 'green' part first. You never know, it could be some super freaky stuff, like maybe fecal fetish or chicks peeing on each other, right? Or maybe it's that chick from 'Alias' having make-believe sex with cardboard bugs, while dressing up as that particular cardboard bug's partner and playing the role of either (or both simultaneously) genders. Oh yeah, THAT's what green porno is!
No-fucking-way. Seriously?
Actress Isabella Rossellini has begun work on her new project, a series of short films set to air on the Sundance channel, about bug sex. (http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/TV/05/05/isabella.rossellini/index.html) Apparently, she thinks that the viewers of the Sundance channel are interested in learning how the insects around them get their rocks off, and has made it her mission to educate us all. With porn. Of course, that's how you learn about normal sex too, right? So I guess it makes sense.
I'm of the school of thought that bug porn is a sin that could have you condemned to some sort of insufferable horrors in the afterlife. What sort of horrors? I can only speculate:
1) You'll have to relive the moment when walking into the office breakroom, right after your supervisor told everybody about that weird fucking bug porn he caught you scoping out in your cubicle.
2) You could be forced to watch Hinder play live shows continuously for the rest of eternity.
3) You could be reincarnated as Anne Coulter.
4) You could be sodomized for all eternity by Anne Coulter.
5) You could be dunked into a vat of boiling baby blood for five minutes, every ten minutes. (Baby blood personally extracted by Anne Coulter.)

One more thing, just to add a little more to the creepy factor, Rossellini's son co-stars in the film about bee sex.